2

5 steps to surviving temper tantrums!


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I’ve been in your shoes with frustration and confusion. It is horrible place to be. Small children are very sensitive. They need lots of cuddle time, play, and kisses from mommy. Little children don’t do things to make us mad. They just don’t have any other way of expressing their emotions.

When one of my children is doing something that I don’t find enjoyable, like throwing a temper tantrum I ask myself these 5 questions.

1. Has he/she had enough sleep?

2. Has he/she experienced something physically or emotionally painful of which I am unaware?

3. Is he/she hungry or lacking the proper nutrition for today?

4. Has he/she not been outside, or not able to power out the constant flow of energy?

5: Have I looked him/her in the eyes today and really listened/communicated to/with him/her?

 

I try to meet these needs before taking any other action. If all is fine and the behavior is coming because I said ”no” to something he/she really wants, then I do the following 5 things

1. I state the reason for the no.

2. I remind myself that a ‘no’ is a hurt to the soul, my child feels it deep within his/her bones.

3. I acknowledge his/her feelings with a statement such as. ”You really want that candy right now don’t you? Are you sad that I said no? (Or) Are you angry that I said no?

The smaller the child, the smaller the sentence… to a two year old, ”You’re mad. I know.”

4. I remind myself, that staying clam is the best way to go.

5. I remind myself, that allowing my child to experience the hurt of a ‘no’ and living through it will help him/her become a stronger person. Stronger because he/she will have learned that

a. ‘no’ is not the end of the world.

b. mommy can handle my emotions, she loves me even when I scream and yell.

c. by not punishing emotions, my child learns that it is ok to express emotions.

d. with time, temper tantrums will happen less if my child learns to express his/her emotions through words.

 

Then it becomes a matter of helping choose the right words, and not just name-calling when he/she is sad. The work doesn’t get harder or bigger it is just gets different as the children gets older.

So, hang in there. You’re doing great.IMG_2361

Love, Rebekah Butterfly

…Let’s get Naturally Happy Together

6

Top 10 reasons to STOP worrying and LOVE it when your child gets DIRTY.


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In no particular order…

  1. He/she is having fun!
  2. He/she is learning to use his/her imagination.
  3. Clothes can be washed!
  4. He/she gets to take a bubble bath when finished playing!
  5. It gives you a good excuse (that even a small child can understand) to cut trim fingernails.
  6. It improves motor skills
  7. You’ll be the coolest mom/dad on the block.
  8. It gives you an excuse not to dress your little ones in designer cloths.
  9. It brings him/her closer to nature!
  10. He/she won’t grow up to associate ‘dirt’ with ‘poor’

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4

To you Father! Love Yourself!


IMG_4666To the daddy you used to be!

You are the daddy that used to be…

You pushed me on the swing

As I screamed weeeeee…

This is a poem on fathers day…

I’m gonna tell you this story

In my own way…

I love you, I love you…

I always have

There is nothing that can change that

I do hope you know…

Yes, you may have made me cry…

And ever so often I wonder why,

Why you pushed me out of your life…

Why you lie to your very own wife…

Don’t you know that I still love you?

Don’t you know that I still care?

There is no getting near you these days…

You’ve pushed me out in so many ways…

So I have decided to just let you be

There is no need in chasing

I’ve let myself free

Free from your grip, from your love and despair

Free from your third wife who doesn’t even care

Free from waiting for you to be a certain way

Free from making you want to stay

Free from wanting you to love me this way

It’s enough, I’m done, I’ve set myself free

God loves me for me

Some things never change,

I can count on him

I know that I can

There is no other man

Who can compare to Him

To the father you used to be…

I want to say thanks…

Thanks for the love, for the play, for the fun

We liked to ride bikes, to fly kites, and to sing

You let me dress up and flash some bling bling

You taught me to save for the things that I want

Not to be frivolous and buy everything at once

You took us on vacation, my sister and I

to Florida, New Hamshir, and even Hawaii

It would have never crossed your mind

Because you used to be so kind

to push us out the door

back when we played ‘’bucking bronco’’ on the floor

Daddy…

Do you remember him?

The man that used to love me…

The one that used to care…

The one who would stay up all night

The one who brushed my hair

Do you remember goldie locks

and stinky socks?

When did you change?

Why do you think that you are more godly now

Did God disown his children

when they didn’t do things his way?

Do you hear God anymore?

Do you hear him calling?

Saying your name?

Saying ‘’hi there my child, where are your children?

Did they both run away? Is that what you think?

Come to me and I will show you the truth’’

Will you go?

Can you see?

That we both love you so…

Will you go?

Can you bare it?

To see your own truth?

The children you pushed away in your youth?

You wanted it better

that is what you’ve always said

You didn’t want to be like your father

Who is now already dead

You wanted to be good and kind

And let us share what’s on our mind?

When did you stop having time?

When did you start hiding behind?

I do still love you…

I only hope you know

But I can’t be around someone

who wants to be my foe…

Is that what you want?

Because that is the way it seems…

You pretend I’m not on the phone whenever it rings

Well sometimes you do

That is, if let’s say,

your wife isn’t near

to take it away

She doesn’t grab at the phone

But she grabs at you soul, at your mind

Like a child who needs your attention

At every inconvenient time

You don’t say ‘’no I’m talking on the phone to someone important’’

you pretend I’m your boss giving tips on importment

You shove religion down my throat

When I don’t even care

You think you know better

But how can you

It isn’t fair

The truth is…

you don’t have all the answers…

Can’t seem to find them anywhere

And that is ok…

I just hope…

That some day

Some day

You will find what you are looking for

It will come knocking at your door

You will be ready to embrace it

To hold it in your arms

You will love it

Yes you will

Because by then…

You will have learned

to love yourself

Love yourself, father!

Love yourself for who you are

Love how God made you

Who he made you to be

Love the mistakes

Love it all

Because God made you

And he makes no mistakes

Because God loves you

He made you and you are exactly right

Don’t listen to a wife that puts you down

Or any one that makes you frown

Just be yourself, whoever that is

You’ll know it as soon as you begin

To Simply Love Yourself

You are who you are

You can’t change the past

Nor can you predict to future

But the NOW is what you have

SO embrace it

Love it

Love yourself

I’ve told you before

That I’ll open the door

But not to a hater full of anger and fear

I don’t need that in my life right now, dear

But I love you none the less

Don’t think about the mess

Just take that step and listen

Love yourself and listen

Ask for help and listen

Your worries have closed up your mind

To submission

Don’t submit to confusion and dissolution

Don’t submit to lies and compromise

Just Love yourself

Then you’ll know what to do

Just love yourself

Do you know how it’s done?

I’ve given up trying to change you

Or tell you how much I care

I know as long as she’s there

It will be ‘Schwer’ (hard/ difficult)

Well I guess that’s not true

No one gets the blame but you

But then again

I don’t want to blame

That would be such a shame

I just want to tell you

That I still love you

and encourage you to love yourself

As I have learned to love myself

10

Parenting is a Journey of ‘Love’


IMG_3939I take what I can from parenting books, but don’t let theory get me down. I know what is best for my children, but that doesn’t mean I never consider another parents point of view. I love to hear how other parents raise their children, which is why I am sharing my parenting style with you.

 

Every parent has a different parenting ‘style’ because every parent, child, family and life situation is different. ‘There is no perfect’ way. Figuring out what works for me, my children, family, and situation is an ever changing journey. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I smile inwardly at how smooth everything is flowing.

 

I will never say that my way is the best way for you. It is best for me and my family in our situation.

 

Children grow, life and death happen, taste and points a view change. We learn with every expiriance, we change as we grow, we read, we make mistakes, we are humans.

 

I do not define myself as only mother.

 

I am a mother for three little people in this world and one inside of me. I am wife for one person, my husband. I am daughter to two parents and two step-parents. I am sister to four siblings, a sister and 3 step-bothers. I am cousin, niece and granddaughter to a handful of family members. I am a friend to many and an aquaintance to many more people.

 

But I am much more…

 

I am a writer when I write, a painter, a decorater, a cleaning lady, a reader, a singer, a teacher, a dancer, a cook, a swimmer, a drawer, a patient, a nurse, a researcher, a photographer, a philosopher, a thinker, a protester, a problem solver, an organizer, a perfectionist trying not to be one, a hair dresser, a masseuse, a native and a foreigner.

 

But this does not define my soul…I am Love

 

All of the things that I mentioned above can change in an instant. If people pass away then I cannot define myself in relation to them any longer. If I get sick and am restricted then I can no longer define myself by the things that I do. If I die, how will I be remembered and what part of me continues into the afterlife… Only how much I loved.

 

So love is the key to my being. And it is therefore the source of all my action. And consequently my parenting.

 

Was it always this way? No. I didn’t understand the meaning of love. I didn’t understand that we all are love, every single person on this earth. Now that I do it has changed the way that see myself and evidently the way that I see others. I love every person. I am united to all people through the love that we are. We were born of the Creator who is love in its purest form.

 

Once I began to truly love myself, loving others became natural. How can I decide who is worthy of love? Aren’t we all siblings? Who am I to say who is worthy and who is not? We are all worthy. If there was a criteria to the worthiness of love then we would all fail because we are all human. But there is no criteria. We are love. Whether we know it or not we are brothers and sisters, born of Love into love and return as love.

 

That being said, you now know the bases of my parenting and what to expect in this blog.

 

  1. Parenting is a journey that never ends.
  2. There is no perfect parenting.
  3. The most important thing I tell my children is ‘’I love you!’’
  4. The most important thing I give my children is ‘’my time’’. It is not the quantity rather the quality that counts.
  5. The most important thing I show my children is that I love myself. So that they can learn by example to love themselves.

Our most important rules

  1. Use your hand and feet for good. (No hitting, kicking ect.)
  2. Use your words wisely. Speak positively about others. (No name calling)
  3. All emotions are accepted. (not all actions)
  4. Speak softly with one another.  (no yelling)
  5. Listen

Now I invite you to share: What drives your parenting? What are the most inportant rules in your family?

And of course I always love reading and replying to your comments. Thank your for spending this time with me. Rebekah Butterfly

Let’s get naturaly happy together!