2

5 steps to surviving temper tantrums!


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I’ve been in your shoes with frustration and confusion. It is horrible place to be. Small children are very sensitive. They need lots of cuddle time, play, and kisses from mommy. Little children don’t do things to make us mad. They just don’t have any other way of expressing their emotions.

When one of my children is doing something that I don’t find enjoyable, like throwing a temper tantrum I ask myself these 5 questions.

1. Has he/she had enough sleep?

2. Has he/she experienced something physically or emotionally painful of which I am unaware?

3. Is he/she hungry or lacking the proper nutrition for today?

4. Has he/she not been outside, or not able to power out the constant flow of energy?

5: Have I looked him/her in the eyes today and really listened/communicated to/with him/her?

 

I try to meet these needs before taking any other action. If all is fine and the behavior is coming because I said ”no” to something he/she really wants, then I do the following 5 things

1. I state the reason for the no.

2. I remind myself that a ‘no’ is a hurt to the soul, my child feels it deep within his/her bones.

3. I acknowledge his/her feelings with a statement such as. ”You really want that candy right now don’t you? Are you sad that I said no? (Or) Are you angry that I said no?

The smaller the child, the smaller the sentence… to a two year old, ”You’re mad. I know.”

4. I remind myself, that staying clam is the best way to go.

5. I remind myself, that allowing my child to experience the hurt of a ‘no’ and living through it will help him/her become a stronger person. Stronger because he/she will have learned that

a. ‘no’ is not the end of the world.

b. mommy can handle my emotions, she loves me even when I scream and yell.

c. by not punishing emotions, my child learns that it is ok to express emotions.

d. with time, temper tantrums will happen less if my child learns to express his/her emotions through words.

 

Then it becomes a matter of helping choose the right words, and not just name-calling when he/she is sad. The work doesn’t get harder or bigger it is just gets different as the children gets older.

So, hang in there. You’re doing great.IMG_2361

Love, Rebekah Butterfly

…Let’s get Naturally Happy Together

6

Top 10 reasons to STOP worrying and LOVE it when your child gets DIRTY.


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In no particular order…

  1. He/she is having fun!
  2. He/she is learning to use his/her imagination.
  3. Clothes can be washed!
  4. He/she gets to take a bubble bath when finished playing!
  5. It gives you a good excuse (that even a small child can understand) to cut trim fingernails.
  6. It improves motor skills
  7. You’ll be the coolest mom/dad on the block.
  8. It gives you an excuse not to dress your little ones in designer cloths.
  9. It brings him/her closer to nature!
  10. He/she won’t grow up to associate ‘dirt’ with ‘poor’

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10

Parenting is a Journey of ‘Love’


IMG_3939I take what I can from parenting books, but don’t let theory get me down. I know what is best for my children, but that doesn’t mean I never consider another parents point of view. I love to hear how other parents raise their children, which is why I am sharing my parenting style with you.

 

Every parent has a different parenting ‘style’ because every parent, child, family and life situation is different. ‘There is no perfect’ way. Figuring out what works for me, my children, family, and situation is an ever changing journey. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I smile inwardly at how smooth everything is flowing.

 

I will never say that my way is the best way for you. It is best for me and my family in our situation.

 

Children grow, life and death happen, taste and points a view change. We learn with every expiriance, we change as we grow, we read, we make mistakes, we are humans.

 

I do not define myself as only mother.

 

I am a mother for three little people in this world and one inside of me. I am wife for one person, my husband. I am daughter to two parents and two step-parents. I am sister to four siblings, a sister and 3 step-bothers. I am cousin, niece and granddaughter to a handful of family members. I am a friend to many and an aquaintance to many more people.

 

But I am much more…

 

I am a writer when I write, a painter, a decorater, a cleaning lady, a reader, a singer, a teacher, a dancer, a cook, a swimmer, a drawer, a patient, a nurse, a researcher, a photographer, a philosopher, a thinker, a protester, a problem solver, an organizer, a perfectionist trying not to be one, a hair dresser, a masseuse, a native and a foreigner.

 

But this does not define my soul…I am Love

 

All of the things that I mentioned above can change in an instant. If people pass away then I cannot define myself in relation to them any longer. If I get sick and am restricted then I can no longer define myself by the things that I do. If I die, how will I be remembered and what part of me continues into the afterlife… Only how much I loved.

 

So love is the key to my being. And it is therefore the source of all my action. And consequently my parenting.

 

Was it always this way? No. I didn’t understand the meaning of love. I didn’t understand that we all are love, every single person on this earth. Now that I do it has changed the way that see myself and evidently the way that I see others. I love every person. I am united to all people through the love that we are. We were born of the Creator who is love in its purest form.

 

Once I began to truly love myself, loving others became natural. How can I decide who is worthy of love? Aren’t we all siblings? Who am I to say who is worthy and who is not? We are all worthy. If there was a criteria to the worthiness of love then we would all fail because we are all human. But there is no criteria. We are love. Whether we know it or not we are brothers and sisters, born of Love into love and return as love.

 

That being said, you now know the bases of my parenting and what to expect in this blog.

 

  1. Parenting is a journey that never ends.
  2. There is no perfect parenting.
  3. The most important thing I tell my children is ‘’I love you!’’
  4. The most important thing I give my children is ‘’my time’’. It is not the quantity rather the quality that counts.
  5. The most important thing I show my children is that I love myself. So that they can learn by example to love themselves.

Our most important rules

  1. Use your hand and feet for good. (No hitting, kicking ect.)
  2. Use your words wisely. Speak positively about others. (No name calling)
  3. All emotions are accepted. (not all actions)
  4. Speak softly with one another.  (no yelling)
  5. Listen

Now I invite you to share: What drives your parenting? What are the most inportant rules in your family?

And of course I always love reading and replying to your comments. Thank your for spending this time with me. Rebekah Butterfly

Let’s get naturaly happy together!

6

Learning to Love


Hello friends,

Learning to love, starts by loving yourself. I want to tell you a little story about my journey toward love. I always thought I should love others. I did love other. I loved others so much that I put everyone else before myself.

 

I thought I was doing well, but I wasn’t at all in tune with my own needs and limits. I became so frustrated and didn’t know why. Some people call this behavior being a push over. I call it simply not understanding what love is.

 

I asked myself over and over, ”What is love?” In some languages there is more than one word for love. There is love of the Parents, love of the Siblings, love of the Friends, love of the Spouse, love as Lust… and the list goes on.

 

I even contacted my first ”love” and asked him what he thinks about love. Did he love me then? Does he love me know? Can love really dissolve? Did I love him? Or did I just like the attention?

 

I have slept with a man that I did not ”love”. Call me what you will. You are allowed to have your own opinion. But in some way I did love him. I just knew, that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him. Short lived. I am married to a man that I love. But I’m not always running around ”in love” with him.

 

So what is love? What does it mean? And how do we express it?
I spent the other night talking with a new friend about just this. She told me, that love is not always the same. She loves her family members in a different way than she loves her friends. She said she doesn’t love people that she doesn’t know.

 

I said, ”I love everyone just the same.”

 

She tried to convince me that this is impossible. Arguing that you can’t treat everyone the same. Saying, ”You don’t have enough time to love everyone.” Meaning there are billions of people in the world and if I love them all the same then I must behave a certain way toward them. Like, ask them how they are doing and spend time with them.

 

I replied, ”Loving everyone doesn’t mean spending an unlimited amount of time with them it means treating them with respect.”

 

Her reply, ”Respect is not love. Respect is respect.”

 

”Right,” I say, ”but respect is an expression of love. Everything we do is an expression of how in tune we are with the love that we are. See, we are love. We are born as a bundle of love. Love is the only everlasting ‘part’ of us. It is our very soul. We all came from the same love source. Love gave birth to love. And here we are on earth. One day we will be united in love, with our creator, who made us in his own likeness, unconditional love. Do you follow me?”

 
”I’m listening.”

 
”So while I may not have time to speak with every person on the planet, I can still treat the people, that I meet with respect. I recognize that we are all love. Does this mean that I’m perfect? Not by any means.

 
I spend more time with you, because I have gotten to know you and we communicate well. Does it mean that I love or respect you more than others? No. I love you just the same. Does that mean that I have to do, what you say or try to make you happy? No.

 
I love everyone just the same. But I don’t have to sit around and allow people to hurt me. For example: My Father and step mother have hurt me in so many ways. The funny thing is, I doubt they even realize this or care. I still love them both. But I don’t subject myself to being hurt by them.

 

 

”So, you are saying we should love people that hurt us. But what about people who murder? Should we love them?” My friend asks.

 

 

Now, I ‘m not going to lie to you. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts. I said, ‘ You and I don’t have to love anyone. Fact is, we all are love. Do we have to like the fact that murder happens? NO! Lock a murderer up. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should let them hurt you. In Fact, Please go away from them. Leave, out of love.

 

 

If you have ever hurt someone emotionally or physical, then you know, that it hurts you as well. And we are all humans, so I’m sure that every person can identify with this at some level. We are not perfect.

 

 
So I see it this way. If someone hurts me, I get out of the way. If I keep putting myself in the line of fire, then I’m hurting myself by not moving. I’m helping someone else hurt themselves by allowing them to hurt me.”
My new friend, who normally always has something to say, was quiet.

 

 
”Are you ok? Did I put you to sleep?” I asked.

 

 
”No, no, I just have a lot to think about.”

 

 

Speaking about murder was not the goal of this message, although I assume it will get the most attention. It is a sensitive subject. I have no authority or personal experience with it. I have never known anyone, who has had their life taken away at the hands of another human. And if we speak of murder, then it is difficult to avoid the topic of war. I do not judge anyone. Who am I to judge? I am trying to figure things out myself.
If you have lost some you knew in this manner, then I am very sorry. I can’t even begin to understand how it has affected you. I don’t pretend to understand. Feel free to write a message and I will pray for you.

 

 

So my personal journey did not end with this conversation. I went on to learn what it means to be good to myself, to love myself. I am learning to take time to listen to myself. What is my body feeling? What does it need? What is my mind saying? What does it need?

 

 
I have banned two words ‘must’ and ‘should’ from my vocabulary. It is great. I ‘desire’ or ‘want’ to do something and that is why I do it. I love myself and found that I automatically love others in return. I respect myself and found that for the first time, I really know what it means to respect others.

 
This has been inspiring for me and I hope for you too. Until next time…
Love Rebekah Butterfly

3

What is the Quintessential Message?


Hello my friends,

Christmas has been celebrated all over the globe. And Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth. Jesus grew up to be a leader and teacher. His quintessential message was love. But… What is Love?

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I’m not going to make you guess. I’m just going to tell you.

You are love. I am Love. Every person was born as a bundle of love. A baby is love in it’s purest form.IMG_0607

This love is still our essential being, even now in adulthood, adolescence, seniority, or wherever you find yourself.

How does one tap into this Love?

It may seem so far away. Why? Because he/she is not in touch with him/herself. He/she is searching, searching in his/her job, food, or behavior. But these things are not who he/she is. These things are not in tune with the love that a person is.

The purpose of this knowledge is not to judge, or hurt or change anything. The purpose is to gain awareness. Through observation comes awareness of truths. So lets observe…

Thoughts manifest into spoken words.

Words manifest into actions.

Actions become habits.

Habits form our character.

Because our thoughts essentially drive us, we must become aware of the truths or lies in them through observing what kind of person we are when I believe our thoughts. Or vise versa what kind of person are you when you don’t believe certian thoughts. (Check out Byron Katie ”Loving what is”)IMG_1566

Thoughts are motivated from the influences we allow around us (and those we don’t allow around us but that still manage to penetrate our surroundings). Hundreds of thoughts can flow through our brain parallel to one another in just a matter of seconds. But not all thoughts are true, some are big fat lies. Some are uncomfortable truths that want to be acknowledged and few are actually true.

If you want to seperate true thoughts from false ones then take time with your thoughts in a quiet place. Allow all thoughts to flow. Some may be uncomfortable and you may want to push them away. Don’t. Ask yourself if these uncomfortable thoughts are true. If they are true then let yourself feel every emotion that comes with this awareness. These emotions are a part of you. They want to be acknowledged and loved. Love yourself.

Imagine sitting on this bench alone. Watch the sun go down on a warm summer night. See the water and what it reflects. Reflect on your thoughts. Where do they come from? Are they true? Do you believe them to be true? Let yourself feel all the emotions that come and be with yourself. Love yourself. By acknowledging your feelings and accepting yourself, you allow them to go off and make room for more emotions other emtions. They make room for life. Love what is. Love yourself.

”Love your neighbor as yourself.” -Jesus

He didn’t say love your neighbor not yourself or more than yourself. No, Love your nieghbor as yourself. Love yourself. You are love. Love the truth. Love your emotion. By doing so you will naturally love others.

”These three things remain; faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is Love.” – Bible

The greatest is love because it is the only thing we have after death. We need faith here on earth. We need faith because we can’t see our creator and we can’t see where we go after death.

We need hope here on earth. Hope that there is a better place. Hope that our faith has a purpose. Once we pass out of this earth, we no longer need faith and hope. We will know…who our creator is and where we go after death.

But Love… Love is something we can have now and after death. Love grows and is the only thing that accompanies us into death. Our body deteriorates but our love remains.

Why? Because we are love. Each person is born as a bundle of love. And we die as love. Somewhere in between birth and death, this love seems to be confusing. It’s not. Love just is.

”I am”- God

Jesus is. God is refered to as the ”Great I am.” Love is. It is what it is. Loving what is can be simplified to just… Love.

We are made in the likeness of God. I am. I am what? Love. Just as God is Love.

So the quintessential message is love. And what is Love? You are love.

So let us tap into the love that we are and become naturally happy together.

Love Rebekah Butterfly

 

0

15 ways to happiness, only one is true


Hello Friends,

Here are 16 ways to happiness each delivered from a different quality. While reading ask yourself, ”Which one of these statements do I believe to be true?”

  • ”If I do it by myself, then I’ll be happy.” says Pride.
  • ”If others praise my work, then I’ll be happy.” says Ego.
  • ”If it doesn’t hurt me, then it’ll make me happy.” says Fear
  • ”When I get better, then I’ll be happy.” says Reason
  • ”If I wanted less, then I’d be happy.” says Prudence
  •  ”I’m only ever happy for a short moment.” says Expierience
  • ”When I recieve more, then I’ll be happy.” says Calculation
  • ”If it’s allowed, then I’ll be happy.” says Modesty
  • ”As long as I don’t hurt any one else, I’ll be happy.” says Decency
  • ”If I’m careful, then I’ll be happy.” says Coutiousness
  • ”I’d be happy anywhere but here.” says Confusion
  • ”If I conform to expectations, then I’ll be happy.” say Manners
  • ”If I gave more, then I’d happy” says Religion
  • ”If I function, then I’ll be happy” says Technology
  • ” I’m happy when I’m happy.” says Love
  • ”I’m happy when I love.” says Peace

You may find yourself identifying with more than one of these statements, but only one is true. Which one do you believe?

I’m happy when I’m happy. That is the truth. Happiness comes from accepting what is. Being able to accept what is has to be learned. When we learn to love ouselves then we begin to love or accept what is. This means that happiness is born from love. In other words:

Love gives birth to happiness.

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Does that mean, through loving, that I am happy all the time? Not really. It means I’m at peace with the present. It means loving what is, whether happy, sad, angry or mad.  Saying ”yes” to that which is and being at peace. It means acknowledging my emotions and not pushing them away. It means not putting so much weight on being ”happy” rather gaining awareness that being happy is an emotion just as any other emotions. It is not better or worse. It just is what it is. Happiness is happiness.

Thinking that tired in thoughtby doing, gaining, wanting, becoming something other than what is in this moment will make us happy is a myth. It is not loving what is. It is not being at peace with what is. It is telling us that the way it is right now is not good enough. That makes us sad and we can wind ourselves around false thoughts that make us sick.

That is not loving what is. When we realize that we are humans and humans have a wide viriaty of emotions, then we can love. With love we can be at peace with all emotions and therefore be happy in any state of being. We can be at all times aware and watchful of what we are in this moment and how we feel. If I’m sad, I’m sad and I’ll let the sadness wash over me because it is important to love the sadness that is a part of me right now. Then I can love the sadness and not push it away allowing myself to be at peace with what is and therefore happy.

Hand on HeartOnce your heart is opened you will understand. Let us learn to love and become Naturally Happy Together.

If you have any questions or comments I would love to hear them so please leave a comment by clicking the heart to the upper left and I will respond.

Love your Rebekah Butterfly

0

Are you really Happy? 5 ways to know for sure


Hello my friends,

Here are 5 ways to know for sure whether or not you are truly happy. Answer the following questions.

Facing the sun

  1. Do you wake up excited about the day in front of you?
  2. Do you look people in the eyes when communicating with them? (do you hear what lays behind the words being spoken?)
  3. Do you find yourself smiling into thin air or even singing without a specific reason?
  4. Do you engage yourself regularly in an activity where you completely forget all that might be straining or stressing you?
  5. Do you find yourself at peace, even when someone is putting you down or calling you names?

Morning peace

If you answered ”yes” to all of these questions then I congratulate you. You must be a very happy person. Doesn’t it feel good?

If you answered ”no” to all or some of the questions then I congratulate you as well. Doesn’t it feel good see the reality? Becoming aware of what is real is the first step to being naturally happy. Seeing the reality in the now and accepting it and all the emotions that come with it. Seeing what is.

I want to continue this journey with you so stay plugged in by following me, or just let me know if you liked this post by clicking on the heart at the upper left hand corner of this post. I’ll be posting every week either expanding more on this post or writing about similar topics.

I’d like to know what makes you happy, so please leave a comment and let me know. I look forward to reading and replying.

Love Rebekah Butterfly