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Your friend just gave birth to baby number two… And you want to help!

Three do’s and 3 don’ts. 

Here are 3 things not to do.

 1. Say ”Ring me when you need help.”

– She will not know what she Needs.

– She will not want to admit needing help

– It is two vage a statement. She doesn’t know what you are willing to do.

 2. Don’t offer to take the older kids out for a fun time. (this may be helpful when baby is 3 months old and not so new anymore)

– Unless you already do this regularly, it will not help.

– Older siblings want to be with mama and the new Baby

– Mama feels best when she knows for sure that all little ones are happy and safe.

– Read the older sibling(s) a book.

 

3. Don’t say, ”Wow, you must really have your hands full!”

– Yes, but pointing it out doesn’t help and you are not the first genius to mention this.

– It sounds like a reproof.

– Mom might feel like she is doing something wrong if she finds motherhood to be a blessing instead of the implied burden.

Now that you know what not to do, here are 3 things that will really be a big help.

 1. Visit without warning

– Your friend will not have time to tidy up. Yay! She won’t be stressed.

– Tell her everything is fine the way it is and mean it.

(Her number one priority after birth is making sure that baby has milk. This is a tough job and often very painful, so house work gets rightfully put near the bottom of the list. This is a good thing. Mama wants to grow and bond with her new baby, don’t make her feel bad about this by giving tips on house managment. If you don’t like things being out of order, don’t visit.)

Ask her how she is doing. Listen. Smile. Enjoy the time you have with her.

– Don’t be afraid of the baby. It is a little being that needs lots of love.

– You won’t wake a new born baby by being loud, but you might annoy the mother who needs rest. 

 2. Bring food for the whole Family.

– Make sure it is healthy.

– If you friend has already eaten, put it in the fridge. She will thank you silently tomorrow.

Do not let her do anything for you. Do it yourself, unless you have to ask where things are, then it isn’t helpful to do it yourself. Just do without.

 3. Help with whatever you see.

laundry basket full with wet garments?… Say ”I love hanging up laundry. Would it be helpful for you, if I hung this up real fast?”

– dirty dishes in the sink?… Say ”I love washing the dishes. May I wash yours?” (Just don’t bother with questions about where they go. Let her put them up later.)

Now, if you want to be the Best Friend Ever…

Organize a group of individuals who are willing to make and deliver meals every day for the first week after birth and at least two times a week for the following 40 days.

I hope this helps you when wondering how to best help your friend. You are AWSOME! Yes, you! reading this post. Just wanting to help makes you WONDERFUL! If everyone was like you, this would be a great world. Thank you. On behalf of all the mothers to be…Thank you. AND a speial Thank You to all my friends… I love every one of you. You are a big help to me and my family. You are my family!

Let’s get Naturally Happy Together

Your Rebekah Butterfly

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5 steps to surviving temper tantrums!


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I’ve been in your shoes with frustration and confusion. It is horrible place to be. Small children are very sensitive. They need lots of cuddle time, play, and kisses from mommy. Little children don’t do things to make us mad. They just don’t have any other way of expressing their emotions.

When one of my children is doing something that I don’t find enjoyable, like throwing a temper tantrum I ask myself these 5 questions.

1. Has he/she had enough sleep?

2. Has he/she experienced something physically or emotionally painful of which I am unaware?

3. Is he/she hungry or lacking the proper nutrition for today?

4. Has he/she not been outside, or not able to power out the constant flow of energy?

5: Have I looked him/her in the eyes today and really listened/communicated to/with him/her?

 

I try to meet these needs before taking any other action. If all is fine and the behavior is coming because I said ”no” to something he/she really wants, then I do the following 5 things

1. I state the reason for the no.

2. I remind myself that a ‘no’ is a hurt to the soul, my child feels it deep within his/her bones.

3. I acknowledge his/her feelings with a statement such as. ”You really want that candy right now don’t you? Are you sad that I said no? (Or) Are you angry that I said no?

The smaller the child, the smaller the sentence… to a two year old, ”You’re mad. I know.”

4. I remind myself, that staying clam is the best way to go.

5. I remind myself, that allowing my child to experience the hurt of a ‘no’ and living through it will help him/her become a stronger person. Stronger because he/she will have learned that

a. ‘no’ is not the end of the world.

b. mommy can handle my emotions, she loves me even when I scream and yell.

c. by not punishing emotions, my child learns that it is ok to express emotions.

d. with time, temper tantrums will happen less if my child learns to express his/her emotions through words.

 

Then it becomes a matter of helping choose the right words, and not just name-calling when he/she is sad. The work doesn’t get harder or bigger it is just gets different as the children gets older.

So, hang in there. You’re doing great.IMG_2361

Love, Rebekah Butterfly

…Let’s get Naturally Happy Together

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Top 10 reasons to STOP worrying and LOVE it when your child gets DIRTY.


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In no particular order…

  1. He/she is having fun!
  2. He/she is learning to use his/her imagination.
  3. Clothes can be washed!
  4. He/she gets to take a bubble bath when finished playing!
  5. It gives you a good excuse (that even a small child can understand) to cut trim fingernails.
  6. It improves motor skills
  7. You’ll be the coolest mom/dad on the block.
  8. It gives you an excuse not to dress your little ones in designer cloths.
  9. It brings him/her closer to nature!
  10. He/she won’t grow up to associate ‘dirt’ with ‘poor’

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Parenting is a Journey of ‘Love’


IMG_3939I take what I can from parenting books, but don’t let theory get me down. I know what is best for my children, but that doesn’t mean I never consider another parents point of view. I love to hear how other parents raise their children, which is why I am sharing my parenting style with you.

 

Every parent has a different parenting ‘style’ because every parent, child, family and life situation is different. ‘There is no perfect’ way. Figuring out what works for me, my children, family, and situation is an ever changing journey. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I smile inwardly at how smooth everything is flowing.

 

I will never say that my way is the best way for you. It is best for me and my family in our situation.

 

Children grow, life and death happen, taste and points a view change. We learn with every expiriance, we change as we grow, we read, we make mistakes, we are humans.

 

I do not define myself as only mother.

 

I am a mother for three little people in this world and one inside of me. I am wife for one person, my husband. I am daughter to two parents and two step-parents. I am sister to four siblings, a sister and 3 step-bothers. I am cousin, niece and granddaughter to a handful of family members. I am a friend to many and an aquaintance to many more people.

 

But I am much more…

 

I am a writer when I write, a painter, a decorater, a cleaning lady, a reader, a singer, a teacher, a dancer, a cook, a swimmer, a drawer, a patient, a nurse, a researcher, a photographer, a philosopher, a thinker, a protester, a problem solver, an organizer, a perfectionist trying not to be one, a hair dresser, a masseuse, a native and a foreigner.

 

But this does not define my soul…I am Love

 

All of the things that I mentioned above can change in an instant. If people pass away then I cannot define myself in relation to them any longer. If I get sick and am restricted then I can no longer define myself by the things that I do. If I die, how will I be remembered and what part of me continues into the afterlife… Only how much I loved.

 

So love is the key to my being. And it is therefore the source of all my action. And consequently my parenting.

 

Was it always this way? No. I didn’t understand the meaning of love. I didn’t understand that we all are love, every single person on this earth. Now that I do it has changed the way that see myself and evidently the way that I see others. I love every person. I am united to all people through the love that we are. We were born of the Creator who is love in its purest form.

 

Once I began to truly love myself, loving others became natural. How can I decide who is worthy of love? Aren’t we all siblings? Who am I to say who is worthy and who is not? We are all worthy. If there was a criteria to the worthiness of love then we would all fail because we are all human. But there is no criteria. We are love. Whether we know it or not we are brothers and sisters, born of Love into love and return as love.

 

That being said, you now know the bases of my parenting and what to expect in this blog.

 

  1. Parenting is a journey that never ends.
  2. There is no perfect parenting.
  3. The most important thing I tell my children is ‘’I love you!’’
  4. The most important thing I give my children is ‘’my time’’. It is not the quantity rather the quality that counts.
  5. The most important thing I show my children is that I love myself. So that they can learn by example to love themselves.

Our most important rules

  1. Use your hand and feet for good. (No hitting, kicking ect.)
  2. Use your words wisely. Speak positively about others. (No name calling)
  3. All emotions are accepted. (not all actions)
  4. Speak softly with one another.  (no yelling)
  5. Listen

Now I invite you to share: What drives your parenting? What are the most inportant rules in your family?

And of course I always love reading and replying to your comments. Thank your for spending this time with me. Rebekah Butterfly

Let’s get naturaly happy together!

0

How to keep lice away without a preventative chemical spray, 4 simple steps.


If you have a girl with long hair and hear that lice, is going around in school, don’t panic. I can give you a fool prove way of keeping her lice free.IMG_4765

1. Don’t wash her hair. The little bugs love clean scalps, it is easier for them to suck blood from dirt free heads.

2. Braid her hair in as many braids as you can stand to braid and don’t take them out until the epidemic is over. It is hard for the lice to build nests in tight spaces.

3. Rub lavender oil or teabaumöl, (a German word for an oil from the tea trees in Australia), directly on your Childs scalp. The little bugs don’t like the smell and stay away.

4. Other than telling her not to use combs, jackets, hats ect. from others, put all of her school items in a plastic bag. No hanging jackets on the hooks…no, no, put then in the plastic bag that hangs on the hook. Lice doesn’t jump, contrary to popular belief. They crawl from jacket to jacket. So it really doesn’t matter who she plays with, it matters next to whose jacket her jacket may hang.

If you DO have lice, DON’T use the Chemicals on your children under two years of age, just pull the suckers off, it is too dangerous for your child otherwise.

If you do have lice don’t panic. You don’t have to freeze the stuffed animals, or change sheets every night. You don’t have to vacuum the house like crazy. Just spend an afternoon in front of the telli with your kids and comb those suckers out (after using the chemical spry). Nine days later, do it again. You can send your children to school directly after the first treatment.