Learning to Love


Hello friends,

Learning to love, starts by loving yourself. I want to tell you a little story about my journey toward love. I always thought I should love others. I did love other. I loved others so much that I put everyone else before myself.

 

I thought I was doing well, but I wasn’t at all in tune with my own needs and limits. I became so frustrated and didn’t know why. Some people call this behavior being a push over. I call it simply not understanding what love is.

 

I asked myself over and over, ”What is love?” In some languages there is more than one word for love. There is love of the Parents, love of the Siblings, love of the Friends, love of the Spouse, love as Lust… and the list goes on.

 

I even contacted my first ”love” and asked him what he thinks about love. Did he love me then? Does he love me know? Can love really dissolve? Did I love him? Or did I just like the attention?

 

I have slept with a man that I did not ”love”. Call me what you will. You are allowed to have your own opinion. But in some way I did love him. I just knew, that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him. Short lived. I am married to a man that I love. But I’m not always running around ”in love” with him.

 

So what is love? What does it mean? And how do we express it?
I spent the other night talking with a new friend about just this. She told me, that love is not always the same. She loves her family members in a different way than she loves her friends. She said she doesn’t love people that she doesn’t know.

 

I said, ”I love everyone just the same.”

 

She tried to convince me that this is impossible. Arguing that you can’t treat everyone the same. Saying, ”You don’t have enough time to love everyone.” Meaning there are billions of people in the world and if I love them all the same then I must behave a certain way toward them. Like, ask them how they are doing and spend time with them.

 

I replied, ”Loving everyone doesn’t mean spending an unlimited amount of time with them it means treating them with respect.”

 

Her reply, ”Respect is not love. Respect is respect.”

 

”Right,” I say, ”but respect is an expression of love. Everything we do is an expression of how in tune we are with the love that we are. See, we are love. We are born as a bundle of love. Love is the only everlasting ‘part’ of us. It is our very soul. We all came from the same love source. Love gave birth to love. And here we are on earth. One day we will be united in love, with our creator, who made us in his own likeness, unconditional love. Do you follow me?”

 
”I’m listening.”

 
”So while I may not have time to speak with every person on the planet, I can still treat the people, that I meet with respect. I recognize that we are all love. Does this mean that I’m perfect? Not by any means.

 
I spend more time with you, because I have gotten to know you and we communicate well. Does it mean that I love or respect you more than others? No. I love you just the same. Does that mean that I have to do, what you say or try to make you happy? No.

 
I love everyone just the same. But I don’t have to sit around and allow people to hurt me. For example: My Father and step mother have hurt me in so many ways. The funny thing is, I doubt they even realize this or care. I still love them both. But I don’t subject myself to being hurt by them.

 

 

”So, you are saying we should love people that hurt us. But what about people who murder? Should we love them?” My friend asks.

 

 

Now, I ‘m not going to lie to you. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts. I said, ‘ You and I don’t have to love anyone. Fact is, we all are love. Do we have to like the fact that murder happens? NO! Lock a murderer up. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should let them hurt you. In Fact, Please go away from them. Leave, out of love.

 

 

If you have ever hurt someone emotionally or physical, then you know, that it hurts you as well. And we are all humans, so I’m sure that every person can identify with this at some level. We are not perfect.

 

 
So I see it this way. If someone hurts me, I get out of the way. If I keep putting myself in the line of fire, then I’m hurting myself by not moving. I’m helping someone else hurt themselves by allowing them to hurt me.”
My new friend, who normally always has something to say, was quiet.

 

 
”Are you ok? Did I put you to sleep?” I asked.

 

 
”No, no, I just have a lot to think about.”

 

 

Speaking about murder was not the goal of this message, although I assume it will get the most attention. It is a sensitive subject. I have no authority or personal experience with it. I have never known anyone, who has had their life taken away at the hands of another human. And if we speak of murder, then it is difficult to avoid the topic of war. I do not judge anyone. Who am I to judge? I am trying to figure things out myself.
If you have lost some you knew in this manner, then I am very sorry. I can’t even begin to understand how it has affected you. I don’t pretend to understand. Feel free to write a message and I will pray for you.

 

 

So my personal journey did not end with this conversation. I went on to learn what it means to be good to myself, to love myself. I am learning to take time to listen to myself. What is my body feeling? What does it need? What is my mind saying? What does it need?

 

 
I have banned two words ‘must’ and ‘should’ from my vocabulary. It is great. I ‘desire’ or ‘want’ to do something and that is why I do it. I love myself and found that I automatically love others in return. I respect myself and found that for the first time, I really know what it means to respect others.

 
This has been inspiring for me and I hope for you too. Until next time…
Love Rebekah Butterfly

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6 thoughts on “Learning to Love

  1. This is an interesting concept. Maybe we can love everyone the same, but with certain people it’s *easier* so it feels like more. For example, it’s easier to love someone who is always kind and generous, but it’s hard to love an uncaring, or cruel person.

    I like thinking about it this way : )

    • Thank you for your thoughtful post. It means a lot to me. Many people will be able to identify with your comment.

      Loving kind and generous people is easier until we realize that we all are love. It is then no longer a matter of loving as an act rather accepting what is. That every person is love, whether they have learned to express that love or not.

  2. Hi Rebekah.. I finally made it to my laptop so I could visit your blog! I prefer it to using the mobile site. I really liked this post. I liked the idea of telling the story of your journey toward Love. It is one of my highest, if not THE highest values in my life and you have given me something to contemplate as you have inspired in me the ‘desire’ to reflect on and perhaps share my own love story. Thank you for that. I will link to your blog should I publish my own story, connect my readers (who will hopefully grow), with the ‘why’ of my story.

    Shadedcorners comment above (below?) also resonated with me. A person we love behaving in ways that are difficult (for us or others) can give rise to conflict and confusion and expressing that can be especially treacherous if communication skills are lacking on both or either sides! But like you… I remember we ARE love, and I *try* (Not always without resistance) to connect with others on the level that people are not their behaviours, but that they can be responsible/accountable for them… my spirituality is strongly rooted in love. Great post, thank you. I will follow your blog to keep in touch šŸ™‚ Amanda

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I am so glad that you liked it and that you are now following me. I look forward to reading further comments from you.

  3. Forgot to mention, I also believe in the power of language and have amended my vocabulary to align with my worldview. I not longer use the words you mentioned either and I have also removed the word ‘just’ if I’m giving reasons for something I say or do. Justifying my opinions/ beliefs/feelings/thoughts/ life choices is no longer a crutch of mine šŸ™‚

    • I would love to read your story of love.

      You are so right about not justifying.This is something I have been working on. It seems to be the hardest. Justifying is another way of putting ourselves down, as if saying ”I know that I’m doing something wrong, that is why I have to justify it!” Justifying makes us vulnerable to criticism. Why should others not criticize us when we show them how it’s done through self criticism/justification?

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