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Your friend just gave birth to baby number two… And you want to help!

Three do’s and 3 don’ts. 

Here are 3 things not to do.

 1. Say ”Ring me when you need help.”

– She will not know what she Needs.

– She will not want to admit needing help

– It is two vage a statement. She doesn’t know what you are willing to do.

 2. Don’t offer to take the older kids out for a fun time. (this may be helpful when baby is 3 months old and not so new anymore)

– Unless you already do this regularly, it will not help.

– Older siblings want to be with mama and the new Baby

– Mama feels best when she knows for sure that all little ones are happy and safe.

– Read the older sibling(s) a book.

 

3. Don’t say, ”Wow, you must really have your hands full!”

– Yes, but pointing it out doesn’t help and you are not the first genius to mention this.

– It sounds like a reproof.

– Mom might feel like she is doing something wrong if she finds motherhood to be a blessing instead of the implied burden.

Now that you know what not to do, here are 3 things that will really be a big help.

 1. Visit without warning

– Your friend will not have time to tidy up. Yay! She won’t be stressed.

– Tell her everything is fine the way it is and mean it.

(Her number one priority after birth is making sure that baby has milk. This is a tough job and often very painful, so house work gets rightfully put near the bottom of the list. This is a good thing. Mama wants to grow and bond with her new baby, don’t make her feel bad about this by giving tips on house managment. If you don’t like things being out of order, don’t visit.)

Ask her how she is doing. Listen. Smile. Enjoy the time you have with her.

– Don’t be afraid of the baby. It is a little being that needs lots of love.

– You won’t wake a new born baby by being loud, but you might annoy the mother who needs rest. 

 2. Bring food for the whole Family.

– Make sure it is healthy.

– If you friend has already eaten, put it in the fridge. She will thank you silently tomorrow.

Do not let her do anything for you. Do it yourself, unless you have to ask where things are, then it isn’t helpful to do it yourself. Just do without.

 3. Help with whatever you see.

laundry basket full with wet garments?… Say ”I love hanging up laundry. Would it be helpful for you, if I hung this up real fast?”

– dirty dishes in the sink?… Say ”I love washing the dishes. May I wash yours?” (Just don’t bother with questions about where they go. Let her put them up later.)

Now, if you want to be the Best Friend Ever…

Organize a group of individuals who are willing to make and deliver meals every day for the first week after birth and at least two times a week for the following 40 days.

I hope this helps you when wondering how to best help your friend. You are AWSOME! Yes, you! reading this post. Just wanting to help makes you WONDERFUL! If everyone was like you, this would be a great world. Thank you. On behalf of all the mothers to be…Thank you. AND a speial Thank You to all my friends… I love every one of you. You are a big help to me and my family. You are my family!

Let’s get Naturally Happy Together

Your Rebekah Butterfly

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How my bad 4-year-old and I found our way home


An amazing women shares her struggles and dissapointments as a mother and how she found the original love again.
Main points I find in this blog… 1. Find a supportive place to vent your parenting frustration. 2. Make eye contact with your child and clear statements about the unwanted behavior. 3. Focus on the positve side of your child.
(This sounds like my story in a nut shell.) Thank you so much for sharing this.

An Honest Mom

There’s simplicity parenting, attachment parenting, parenting by temperament. Authoritative parenting, French parenting, parenting the spirited child.
And one I think we’re all familiar with: parenting by the seat of our pants.

8690355973_b873f0b742_k Image by Shena Tschofen

That, whether I like it or not, is where I parent from most of the time. And let me tell you, the seat of my pants is battered and worn. As I have mentioned before, parenting Jo since I got pregnant with Cal has been no cake walk. We’re talking hitting, kicking and throwing things at me when I was pregnant, having big physical outbursts with other kids and trying to contain his massive physical energy in a small house with a newborn.

I sought advice everywhere I could—books, friends, my mom. I dissolved into tears while asking Jo’s teacher what I should do after his first morning of preschool, all while bouncing Cal…

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Aunt Molly’s School of Sensible Housekeeping


Perfectionism often keeps us from getting things done. Here are practical tips that can make a hectic life manageable. Love yourself and be happy. ”I don’t want a perfect life, I want a happy life!”

Muddy River Muse

When I was in my twenties, new to a busy teaching career and newly married, I remember having a conversation about housework with an older colleague. The conversation went something like this:

Me:      How do you ever manage to get everything done? By  the time I am finished my marking and course prep I can’t imagine coping with all the laundry and the dishes and the housecleaning…

Her:     Well now, I just don’t go to bed until everything is done.

That was the last time I asked her for advice.

Instead, I opted to adopt the philosophy of housekeeping espoused by my great-aunt Molly.

My grandmother’s sister Molly was a creative woman who spent much of her adult life applying her creativity to managing a farm household with limited resources. Molly’s resourcefulness was of the variety that could turn a scoop of leftover chicken fat into melt-in-your mouth sugar cookies…

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How to raise self confident children


I love reading Adeh Jones work. The following three points are what I interpreted from her post. Take a look…
1. Concentrate on the positive side of your child
2. Speak kindly to and about your children
3. Give children responsibility, it helps helps them become a part of a whole.
Injoy!

adehjones

PARENTING 101.
Great morning to you. I just made a resolution, that I will share with you TEN things, most people don’t know about me.
Number 1, the first time a girl wrote ‘I love you’ note to me, in primary 5 then, guess what, I boosted into tears, and wanted to go report her to the headmaster, thanks to my class teacher who stopped me.
Hey, don’t laugh at your coach, I believe you had a funnier childhood days, so? Tarrrrrr. OK, on a more serious note.
Are you one of those parents who want their children to act smart, intelligently, with a great self-esteem? 4 things you need to do.
1. Your children are a reflection of who they FEEL you THINK they are, go back and read the line again. Do your kids FEEL you take them as smart, intelligent, hardworking, adorable? Do you always call them…

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Several Truths About Raising Kids


Very funny post about the frustrations of parenting. Any one with 2 or more children around the age of 7 will be able to relate to this. But this Stark Raving Dad wants all new parents to read it as a warning. I hope you enjoy this post and laugh as much as I did while reading it.

Stark Raving Dad

Now that I’ve been a parent for almost 7 years, during which time I’ve lost the majority of my hair, had the rest of it go mostly grey, and had my nerves frayed to the fullest possible extent, I feel qualified to share this list I’ve been compiling with you. It’s a collection of fundamental rules that all children that have moved beyond the baby phase start to live by.

I call this list ‘Several Truths About Raising Kids’. Or, if you want an easier way of remembering it so you can tell your friends (and maybe help keep their lovely crop of hair intact), the STARK’s. I know, it’s almost like the name of my blog but it’s just a crazy coincidence.

We could go one step further and call these STARK’s Laws – it doesn’t actually make any sense, but it sounds extremely official and makes me feel…

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The ABCs of Parenting


This is too good not to share. Wow. Thanks to the author for this little gift.

autocratricks

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Happy, happy we will be

When we know our ABCs

Accept that there will always be some things you can’t change.  We are guides, not surgeons, in our children’s lives.

Believe that your relationship can still be happy and healthy even when your kids don’t behave the way you’d hope they would.  We can delight in who they are even when we don’t like what they’re doing.

Change yourself first.  The qualities we need to acquire in the process of parenting are the same for many of us: greater patience, loving responses, firm but kind guidance,

Discover the depths of your love, courage, resourcefulness, and grace.  These are the things we need to tap into as we meet the challenges of raising kids.

Engage with your kids.  Avoid multitasking when you’re with your kids, at least some of the time; they need eye contact and undivided attention to feel loved…

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5 steps to surviving temper tantrums!


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I’ve been in your shoes with frustration and confusion. It is horrible place to be. Small children are very sensitive. They need lots of cuddle time, play, and kisses from mommy. Little children don’t do things to make us mad. They just don’t have any other way of expressing their emotions.

When one of my children is doing something that I don’t find enjoyable, like throwing a temper tantrum I ask myself these 5 questions.

1. Has he/she had enough sleep?

2. Has he/she experienced something physically or emotionally painful of which I am unaware?

3. Is he/she hungry or lacking the proper nutrition for today?

4. Has he/she not been outside, or not able to power out the constant flow of energy?

5: Have I looked him/her in the eyes today and really listened/communicated to/with him/her?

 

I try to meet these needs before taking any other action. If all is fine and the behavior is coming because I said ”no” to something he/she really wants, then I do the following 5 things

1. I state the reason for the no.

2. I remind myself that a ‘no’ is a hurt to the soul, my child feels it deep within his/her bones.

3. I acknowledge his/her feelings with a statement such as. ”You really want that candy right now don’t you? Are you sad that I said no? (Or) Are you angry that I said no?

The smaller the child, the smaller the sentence… to a two year old, ”You’re mad. I know.”

4. I remind myself, that staying clam is the best way to go.

5. I remind myself, that allowing my child to experience the hurt of a ‘no’ and living through it will help him/her become a stronger person. Stronger because he/she will have learned that

a. ‘no’ is not the end of the world.

b. mommy can handle my emotions, she loves me even when I scream and yell.

c. by not punishing emotions, my child learns that it is ok to express emotions.

d. with time, temper tantrums will happen less if my child learns to express his/her emotions through words.

 

Then it becomes a matter of helping choose the right words, and not just name-calling when he/she is sad. The work doesn’t get harder or bigger it is just gets different as the children gets older.

So, hang in there. You’re doing great.IMG_2361

Love, Rebekah Butterfly

…Let’s get Naturally Happy Together